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    THESES
  1. 98% OF ALL SUNGLASSES ARE UGLY
  2. THE POPULARITY OF LIGHT TRUCKS AND SUVS IN THE U.S. IS REPRESENTATIVE OF LARGER SOCIETAL ISSUES
  3. A LARGE PORTION OF DOG OWNERS ARE NOT EQUIPPED TO OWN DOGS
  4. POPULAR MUSIC SHOULD BE BANNED FROM USE IN ADVERTISEMENTS
  5. A SOAP BUBBLE IS AS REAL AS A FOSSIL TOOTH1
  6. YOU MUST FAMILIARIZE YOURSELF WITH A MINIMUM OF THREE LOCAL BIRD SONGS AND/OR CALLS
  7. MINCED GARLIC IS A SCAM; SLICED IS FINE2
  8. MY GLASSES KEEP FALLING OFF3
  9. EVERYONE GET HAIRIER NOW
  10. NO ONE HAS ANY BUSINESS WEARING FLIP FLOPS



1. Nabokov, Vladimir. Pnin. Vintage International, 1989, pp.118.
2. Disregard when using raw garlic.
3. This is not a thesis, but it is very annoying and hindering my ability to think of true theses.