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    THESES
  1. 98% OF ALL SUNGLASSES ARE UGLY.
  2. THE POPULARITY OF LIGHT TRUCKS AND SUVS IN THE U.S. IS REPRESENTATIVE OF LARGER SOCIETAL ISSUES.
  3. A LARGE PORTION OF DOG OWNERS ARE NOT EQUIPPED TO OWN DOGS.
  4. POPULAR MUSIC SHOULD BE BANNED FROM USE IN ADVERTISEMENTS.
  5. A SOAP BUBBLE IS AS REAL AS A FOSSIL TOOTH.1
  6. YOU MUST FAMILIARIZE YOURSELF WITH A MINIMUM OF THREE LOCAL BIRD SONGS AND/OR CALLS.
  7. MINCED GARLIC IS A SCAM; SLICED IS FINE.2
  8. MY GLASSES KEEP FALLING OFF.3
  9. EVERYONE GET HAIRIER NOW.
  10. NO ONE HAS ANY BUSINESS WEARING FLIP FLOPS.
  11. BEING AFRAID IS NOT THE SAME AS BEING IN DANGER.
  12. IT ISN'T SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE THIS.
  13. BLESS THE TELEPHONE.4
  14. ROCK BAND 2 IS THE MOST BENEFICIAL THING YOU CAN GIVE A CHILD.5



1. Nabokov, Vladimir. Pnin. Vintage International, 1989, pp.118.
2. Disregard when using raw garlic.
3. This is not a thesis, but it is very annoying and hindering my ability to think of true theses.
4. https://youtu.be/XMMP-T3EF8s?si=LeTQDddhW2O10m4E
5. It is so important for an eleven year old to be aware of Alice In Chains' hit song Man In the Box.